Sunday, February 28, 2010

Days Lived

Days Lived
D. Lawrence Ficklin

He’s lying again, trying to make a good impression
But he just can’t quite learn the lesson
Hang all the consequences
Scared out of his mind that someday you might forget him
No matter how many times you tell him
But he can’t believe your eyes
Even though he knows he’s worth so much more
Even though he sees he tries his best to ignore
And even though he loves he’s closing the door
So the way things could one day be
Just can’t be anymore

This is the twilight, part of you is dying
Don’t let the dark night lead you away
This is the moment, wake up and find it
Give your heart the chance to break today
See the dawn rising? The world’s kept its turning
It’s not waiting for you to get it all right
Trust in your footsteps, they’re leading you forward
Leading you onward, love is yours to take today

She’s bottled it up, tucked it away, made sure it’s hidden
Still sometimes tears can come unbidden
But she covers her tracks so well
She knows there’s more to life than what she’s living
But says her bruises need more healing
When already they’ve faded
Even though she knows she’s worth so much more
Even though she sees she tries her best to ignore
And even though she loves she’s closing the door
So the way things could one day be
Just can’t be anymore

This is the twilight, part of you is dying
Don’t let the dark night lead you away
This is the moment, wake up and find it
Give your heart the chance to break today
See the dawn rising? The world’s kept its turning
It’s not waiting for you to get it all right
Trust in your footsteps, they’re leading you forward
Leading you onward, love is yours to take today


How long can you hold your breath?
Will you drown yourself in shallow emptiness?
How far will you fall this way?
Will you live your life, or just its days?

Rain’s falling down from up above, the sound awakes me
It’s like the world itself is crying
One day closer to dying
There’s a life unlived, memories I never made
Truths that I have not yet told
It’s getting dark, and I’m getting old
Even though I know I’m worth so much more
Even though I see I try my best to ignore
And even though I love, nothing scares me more
So the way things could one day be
They won’t be anymore

This is the twilight, part of you is dying
Don’t let the dark night lead you away
This is the moment, wake up and find it
Give your heart the chance to break today
See the dawn rising? The world’s kept its turning
It’s not waiting for you to get it all right
Trust in your footsteps, they’re leading you forward
Leading you onward, love is yours to take today

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Briars

Briars
D. Lawrence Ficklin
2.23.10 1:44 am

When first saw I the tracks before
My own feet where I trod
Upon the lonely, narrow path
Ascending up to God,
An envy grim and most severe
Took hold within my breast
My slacking pace quickened at once
I'd not settle for second best

For though I surely would attain
The goal waiting at the summit
I'd feel cheaply of myself
If I knew I hadn't won it
And beat all comers in this race
Holding aloft my prize
The others hanging low their heads
Jealousy in their eyes

As I hurried along the path
What thoughts did fill my mind!
How they'd hold me in regard
What glory I would find!
Lauded, praised, held in esteem
By the angels and the Gods
If I could make it to the top
Before all the other sods

And before long, what did I see
But my elder brother there
Clearing brambles from the road
Moving slow with calm and care
And as I neared I saw how worn
In feature, yet bright in eye
My brother did not cease his work
And such a fool proved I

For as I passed him by in glee
I felt the brambles beneath my feet
This price I'll pay, said I to he
I won't taste your defeat!
And with a laugh I continued on
Noting the sorrow in his face
Oh, fool was I to be so blind
To think this life a race!

It was not long before my feet
Were staining the pathway red
On root and stone I dashed them
Yet on hand and knee I fled
Away from ambiguity,
In pride, in fear, in doubt
That I could make it to the top
That I had sufficient clout

And when at once I was spent
From briar, thistle, thorn
From beating sun, in my lament
I begged for death and mourned
That I could be so prideful
As to move along in shame
Leaving behind the hurtful things
For those who followed along the way

Then as I lay in the spiny brush
I heard footsteps drawing near
And the hands that took me from the ground
Wept their sharp, red tears
They carried me back to the trail
And as I weakly turned my head
To look behind, what should I see
But more footsteps wetly red

Thank you, I said with grateful heart
And when the path at last appeared
He laid me down, and closed my wounds
And said, There's still more to be cleared
He smiled at me, still bright of eye
Though I know he must have wept
As in drawing me from thorn and brush
He had himself been scratched and ripped

And with that smile he bade me rest
Then turned once more away
To clear the path of all its hurt
For those who followed along the way

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Road to Happiness

I've become good at doing what is needed to be done instead of what I want. I like to think this is because, more than most things, my focus is Intent. If people understood even their own motivations a little more clearly, if they Knew themselves even a little better, I am sure they would find such peace as to make any needful decision a simple choice.

Because of this, some people who do not know me have sometimes called me cold or apathetic, unfeeling, uncaring. I do know that when such a situation arises, I put on a mask, I do not show what I feel. I cannot, because there are some decisions that cut you down to your soul, that burn and ache and hurt and make you want to scream out for mercy from a God who you feel might not even hear you, and how could showing those feelings help anything? Already after the fact, you're left wondering if it was really the right choice, if it is what you truly needed to do, because how can the right thing hurt so bad? Tonight I have a bitter taste in my mouth, and I cannot drown it out with anything.

The killer is it didn't have to happen. I could have been stronger. I could have been more. If I had been a better man, I would need not have crossed this bridge for perhaps a long, long time.

But I cannot compromise you. Not anymore. So I made that decision. I'll stick to it. You have decisions to make, too. By God I hope you do make them. I hope you can do what's right, instead of what you want. Even though it hurts. Especially if it hurts.

Because, like I've said before: the hurt is worth it. It had better be.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Blue and Black

Blue and Black
2:09 am, February 2, 2010

As high as God will allow, he stands
Back to the world, artificial lights
There blinking and glowing, the sky above orange
Eyes reflecting moon, and star
And the black sky clear, and cold, and clean
He can smell it in the air, the wind carries it
All those fallen snow dreams, the icicle hopes
Broken beside the road, turned to slush and mud
While only a few steps away lay the whitest drifts,
The purest that has fallen
He wonders, Where did I fall?
In this night where the black sky glows blue
From the stars and a moon just beginning to wane?
And he cannot give the answer.
Because he cannot see the wind
Making his fingers and lips as blue as the sky
That would be black without the moon
That would be hollow without the stars
That could not be touched where he stood
Even if God allowed it