Tonight, like most other nights in my life, I cannot sleep. I am instead sitting in my room listening to Gustav Mahler's incomparable 9th Symphony, angry and frustrated beyond belief but determined to stomp it out. I promise not to offend. I look back on last year and see how very, very much of it I wasted on one pursuit or another, whether well-intended or no... No matter. Life will continue. A winter (and autumn, and summer) of discontent it may have been, but spring will be here soon, and following it will be more summers, more autumns, more winters. There will be new faces, new voices and new mountains for me to discover in the passing of time.
I have parted with friends, some amiably, some less so, some unexpectedly and tragically, but life will continue on. I have welcomed new souls within my family, little Colton, born to my elder brother in October, and become more well acquainted with my sister's child, Max, who is now over a year old. I moved three times this year and am a bit ashamed to report that it takes nearly six trips to transport my possessions in my Honda Accord. Why do I have so many things? For two of those moves I lived with my cousins. Ups and downs, ups and downs along the way.
Physically, I am in the best shape I have been in years, apart from a few health tweaks of little import here and there. I had my first semester ever of straight A's, which was a bit surreal of an experience. Ah, Academia, how I had missed learning within your halls, and how blissfully had I forgotten the stresses of homework.
Looking back, I find I have no desire for much of what once motivated me at the beginning of last year. Many of those silly dreams and fantasies no longer seem so important and have proven, in fact, to be detrimental to my development as a human being, but then I've always had silly dreams and fantasies to spare. There are pit-traps behind doors I swear to never approach again, now that I tell myself that I know better. Some warning bells are there for a reason, some instincts are in place to protect that which is most important within a man's soul. Sometimes a curse is a blessing in disguise, and it just takes the right point of view for everything to be right again, and so I am looking and trying my very best to see.